Caseylicious
by PrincessBellePrinceAdam
Summary: xJFx Oh, the dangers of hazing...Casey must write a theme song to be one of the guys.


A/N: I don't own Casey (unfortunately), nor do I own "Fergalcious," by Fergie, which is the song I use for Casey's theme. I also don't own any of the other characters you recognize or either of Tommy's theme songs. And it's supposed to be pointless. : )

**Caseylicious**

The red Jungle Fury ranger had a problem. Currently, he was being attacked by the other red ranger (What a bunch of lunatics! And they'd been responsible for leading their various teams to victory, too! Casey wasn't sure how the world had survived.) They proudly told him that red was the best color (like he hadn't known) and that as red ranger, he was entitled to special privileges.

This news excited Casey. He was about to run up to the loft to stop he and Theo's fight over Lily (as red, he clearly was entitled to a girlfriend) when a man called Timmy or something like that put a cassette into a boom box and pressed play. "Go green ranger…go!" the music screamed loudly. Casey winced.

"What is this?" Casey shouted over the blaring music. The nearest red ranger, a curly haired man about his own age, looked up from his book. He looked at his phone to make sure he hadn't missed a call from his beloved pink girlfriend in London and took a deep breath.

"This is Tommy's theme song," Mack explained. A new song started to play and Casey liked the lyrics. He bobbed his head along to the music.

"White ranger tiger power!" Tommy was singing along, aiming punches and kicks at invisible enemies.

"So he has a theme song?" Casey asked. He hoped this was the lesson he was supposed to learn. He'd like to get back upstairs to Lily, but he wasn't going to leave JKP to be supervised by these morons. Casey didn't like how the bald African American man was looking around.

"It's tradition," Jason Scott told him in a stern tone of voice. A tall blond man holding what appeared to be an "SPD handbook" scowled.

"No it's not." He flipped to chapter 112: Red Ranger Conduct. "It says here that no matter how good of a leader he is, how pretty his girlfriend is or how rich his daddy is that no red ranger is allowed to have a theme song. It's reserved for the one and only Technicolor ranger."

"Shut up, Sky." Wes snatched the book away and tossed it into a trashcan. "Did you forget that we're hazing the new guy here?"

"I'm being hazed?" Casey cried. He sounded excited. "I've never been hazed before! This is so cool! So I have to come up with a theme song and then I'm in? For life? And we'll all tell our wives that we have to go save the moon and really all we're doing is playing poker?"

"He gets it," Jack said appreciatively.

"You have two days," Nick said as he put his helmet on. "Let's get going. The harpy…I mean, mermaid, might find me if I say in one place for too long."

"True," Andros agreed. He grabbed TJ and began to pull him out. "No one is going to bake you into a pizza ever again, TJ. Now leave the nice little kitty alone so he can make an idiot of himself."

The red rangers filed out of the pizza shop, leaving Casey quite alone. "So I have to think of a theme song," he told himself. "And for bonus points, I should have a dance routine. Lily!" he screamed as he ran up to the loft.

The red tiger ranger found the yellow cheetah in her room. Lily and Fran were sitting cross legged on top of Lily's bed, chatting happily. Casey caught the word "Caseylicious" before the girls realized he was standing there. "Yeah, Casey?" Lily said as a blush crept over her face.

First he had to get rid of Fran. "RJ's looking for you," he lied. Fran ran off, looking excited, and then Casey turned back to Lily. "I need your help. I just got attacked by the red rangers. They're hazing me."

"Oh Casey, tell them to back off! You don't deserve to be hazed!" Lily cried, jumping up and crossing to the red ranger. She looked up at him, concern in her eyes.

"It's OK, Lil. I just have to get myself a theme song."

Lily breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God they're not doing anything more serious. Hazing is so dangerous. A theme song, huh?"

Casey nodded. "And I just had a great idea. I clearly heard you say 'Caseylicious.' That will be my theme song, and generations of children will remember the strong, brave, handsome red tiger ranger!" Casey struck a pose. Lily's breathing hitched.

* * *

Two days later, the red rangers returned to watch Casey's performance. The pizza parlor was completely unrecognizable as a pizza parlor. Now it was covered in candy from top to bottom, like Willy Wonka's candy factory. "Um…OK," Conner said. "This should be interesting."

Lily came out of the kitchen then, wearing a yellow top hat. Lily pressed a button on a small remote and music began to play – music that was very familiar to the men wearing red. "Oh no," Leo groaned.

"Listen up, y'all, cuz this is it," Lily announced. "The beat that we're playing is the next #!"

Casey ran out for his performance. He began to sing, and it scared the red rangers to no end.

_Caseylicious, definition: make those girls go loco_

_They want my treasures so they get their pleasures from my photo_

_You can see me (You can squeeze me)_

_I ain't easy (I ain't sleazy)_

_I got reasons why I tease 'em_

_Girls just come and go like seasons_

_Caseylicious_

_So delicious_

_But I ain't promiscuous_

_And if you were suspicious_

_All that #! is fictitious_

_I blow kisses_

_That puts them girls on rock, rock_

_And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got_

"Oh, my God," Shane said in utter horror as Casey and Lily began to dance around. "Please tell me someone is filming this. I want to put it on YouTube."

"Forget YouTube," said Mack, "Pay-Per-View. That way we'll make money."

_Caseylicious, definition: make them girls go crazy_

_They always claim they know me_

_Coming to me call me Casey (Hey Casey)_

_I'm the T to the I, G the E the R_

_And can't no other ranger put it down like me_

_I'm Caseylicious (So delicious)_

_My body stay vicious_

_I be up in the gym, just working on my fitness_

_She my witness_

_I put your girl on rock, rock_

_And she be lining down the block just to watch what I got_

By now, the red rangers had had enough of the new guy. "I bet he'll stop if I pull the fire alarm," Eric reasoned.

"Fire!" Carter screamed. He ran off, presumably to get his hose. Cole applauded. He thought Carter was even more insane than the rest of his beloved red spandex wearing heroes.

Casey was reaching his third verse.

_All the time I turn around, sisters gather round_

_Always looking at me up and down_

_Look at my uhhh_

_I just wanna say it now_

_I ain't trying to round up drama little RJ_

_I don't wanna take your Fran_

Bridge Carson had the best idea as to how to stop the "theme song." He grabbed the remote from Lily's hand and pressed the stop button. Casey looked insulted. "That was all we needed to see."

Casey brightened. "Was it good? Am I in?"

The red rangers huddled up. After a few minutes of debate, they broke apart. "Yes," Eric said slowly, "Just never sing your theme song again. The citizens may figure out who you are. I mean, just look at Mack. He didn't keep his identity secret and look what happened."

Mack turned around and Casey saw that there was a girl who looked uncannily like the author of this fanfiction clinging to him. Mack looked miserable. "She's been stalking me for over a year now. She even followed me to Peru. Rose is getting irritated."

Casey was too excited to care about Mack's fangirl problems. "I gotta go make some money if I'm going to play poker with you guys. Later! Keep in touch!"

He disappeared again and the rangers shrugged. They filed out, one man pocketing a bunch of candy. "God, Rocky," Tommy groaned. Lily stood there smiling for a moment before she realized what Casey had said.

She stomped into the kitchen with her hands on her hips. "What do you mean, you're just going to play poker?"


End file.
